Islamic sexual jurisprudence

From : Wikipedia.org

To varying degrees Islamic law explicitly states that both men and women are entitled to sexual gratification in marriage; the failure or inability to provide this may be cited as grounds for divorce initiated by either the wife or husband. Throughout the history of Islamic exegetical traditions, philosophies, and law, much has been written to encourage, often in quite frank and explicit terms, believers in Islam to cultivate between themselves in their marriages both sexual passion and tenderness.


Aims of sex

Sex is viewed as both for recreational purpose, for strengthening the bonds between the couple and for reproduction.

Yusuf al-Qaradawi, a 21st century Sunni Islamic scholar states:
“ The preservation of the human species is unquestionably the primary objective of marriage, and such preservation of the species requires continued reproduction.

(comment by Hasan Muhammad Taqi al-Jawahiri) It is permitted to control one's birth (controlling the number of children one has by, for example, contraception, etc. for a certain period of time) since there is no frank rule that forbids this operation. However, the Shi'ah sect has always considered the bringing forth of children as mustahabb, as mentioned in the Prophetic tradion said before,'Get marry because I will be proud of your offspring tomorrow, on the Day of Resurrection, that even the miscarried fetus (the abortion) will come to the gate of Paradise and they will say to it/Go, enter the Paradise', and it will answer,'No, until my parents go first[321]'. Many narrations have confirmed that it is mustahabb to marry a fertile woman and that it is makrooh to marry a sterile woman, which clearly show the recommendation of offspring.[1]
”

Islam obligates a married couple to try and have children. The theological understanding and reasons for this are varied, but this essentially means that a spouse is encouraged, religiously, to have sex with their partner on request. However, it is considered forbidden (Haram) for a woman to have sex during her period. This encouragement is on both partners, and while neither partner can force the other to comply, constant refusal to have sex (with a view to conceiving a child) has been recorded as a reason why many women choose to divorce their husband.

Also, while Islam does not teach the Catholic doctrine sometimes caricatured as "every sperm is sacred", it does consider that the consumption of sperm to be haram. As such many scholars consider orally stimulating the male sexual organ to be Haram or unlawful, whereas most see doing so to the female organ as acceptable.[2]

Rewards for sex
The Perfumed Garden, a comprehensive and serious 16th century sex manual and work of erotic literature
The Perfumed Garden, a comprehensive and serious 16th century sex manual and work of erotic literature

* An oft-repeated hadith emphasize the granting of divine reward for sex within marriage:[3]

A narration reports:
“ In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqah (charity or gift)." The Companions replied: "O Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded. ”

Ibn Abidin, a 19th century Sunni Hanafi Islamic scholar writes:[4]
“ From Adam till now, including the inhabitants of Jannah, there exists no Ibadat like Nikah and sex and its is a testament of Iman, and Nikah with the exception of iman is an act of worship that cannot be compared as copulating is the means via which the Muslim Ummah increases in its size ”

Grooming

In Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16, Muhammad refers to the shaving of the pubic region.[5]

Foreplay

In hadith, it is said that engaging in sexual intercourse without talking to or kissing one's wife is a sign of a husband's weakness.[6]


Sex and purification

Islamic sexual hygienical jurisprudence is a prominent topic in Islamic jurisprudence (Arabic: fiqh), due to its relevance to the issues prominent in everyday life.

Sex outside of marriage

Adultery

Adultery is strictly, and repeatedly, forbidden in the Qur'an.

* And do not go anywhere near adultery: it is an outrage, and an evil path. (17:32)

* This is a sura (chapter) We have sent down and made obligatory: We have sent down clear revelation in it, so that you may take heed. Strike the adulteress and the adulterer one hundred times. Do not let compassion for them keep you from carrying out God's law -- if you believe in God and the last day -- and ensure that a group of believers witnesses the punishment. The adulterer is only [fit] to marry an adulteress or idolatress, and the adulteress is only [fit] to marry an adulterer or an idolater: such behavior is forbidden to believers. (24:1-3)

While harsh, modern commentators are often quick to note that the punishment prescribed for adultery is mitigated by the impracticality of meeting its requirement for being applied: the testimonies of four eye-witnesses to the act (24:13). Many today consider this to mean it is an almost purely symbolic way of denoting the severity of the offense, while others consider it a legally required punishment.

The Qur'an does additionally allow for sexual relations between a man and those whom "his right hand possesses," traditionally interpreted to mean slaves or prisoners of war, a point anachronistic to contemporary times. Again, some commentators differ as to what is the exact meaning of this term.

Pre-marital sex

The Quran never explicitly prohibits pre-marital sex, though is it commonly assumed to be implied - given its stance towards marriage and controlling one's lustful urges.

While the strictest forms of Sharia law can prescribe the death penalty for adultery, pre-marital sex is considered a lesser offence and is punished by a maximum of 100 lashes to both the male and female. In addition to adultery's underlying betrayal, it is also argued that exception is made towards pre-marital sex because they have no easily-attainable release for their sexual energy, while married couples have their spouse who they should turn towards, for fulfillment[7]

As a result of the Islamic beliefs regarding extra-marital and pre-marital sex, many modern Muslim societies highly value virginity and maintain high rates of abstinence until marriage. While this is true for both genders, often a higher premium is placed upon a girl's virginity, with the associated higher social consequences involved for losing it[citation needed].

Sex and fasting

Regarding sexual intercourse during the month of Ramadan:[8]
The Qur'an, chapter 2 (Al-Baqara), verse 187:
“ It is made lawful to you to go into your wives on the night of the fast; they are an apparel for you and you are an apparel for them; Allah knew that you acted unfaithfully to yourselves, so He has turned to you (mercifully) and removed from you (this burden); so now be in contact with them and seek what Allah has ordained for you, and eat and drink until the whiteness of the day becomes distinct from the blackness of the night at dawn, then complete the fast till night, and have not contact with them while you keep to the mosques; these are the limits of Allah, so do not go near them. Thus does Allah make clear His communications for men that they may guard (against evil).— translated by M. H. Shakir


”

Through emulation of the actions of Muhammad and interpretation, this same type of prohibition is extended to voluntary fasts (those which fall outside of Ramadan) as well. Select interpreters have held that the right to sexual gratification in marriage is strong enough that a married woman should seek her husband's approval before choosing days to fast; on this contemporary opinions and practices vary.

[edit] Sex and menstruation
The Qur'an, chapter 2 (Al-Baqara), verse 222:
“ And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a discomfort; therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean; then when they have cleansed themselves, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves.— translated by M. H. Shakir


”

Many hadith, however, relate stories of Muhammad sharing a bed with his wives while they were menstruating, "fondling" them, or laying with his head in their laps, so this verse should not be interpreted to mean that "to keep away" from women when they are menstruating means anything more than a particular sexual euphemism.[citation needed] the bottom line is a man may share the bed with wife but he is not allowed to have sexual relations with her in those days, because it is not good for both of them.

Yusuf al-Qaradawi, a 21st century Sunni Islamic scholar states:
“ ...it is reported that the Jews and Zoroastrians used to go to extremes in avoiding any physical contact with menstruating women, while the Christians continue to have sexual relations with them without regard to the flow of blood. The Arabs of the period of jahiliyyah would not eat, drink, or sit with women who were menstruating and would send them to separate dwelling just as the Jews and Zoroastrians did. Accordingly, some Muslims asked the Prophet (peace be on him) about what is permitted and what is forbidden in relation to menstruating women. The following verse was then revealed:

(verse 2:222 quoted)

Some people understood the phrase, "Refrain from women, as meaning that they should not live together in the same house during the menstrual periods. The Prophet (peace be on him) then explained the correct meaning of this verse, saying,

I ordered you only to refrain from having intercourse with menstruating women and did not tell you to send them out of the house as the foreigners do.

When the Jews of Madinah heard this they said, "This man does not like to leave any part of what we do unchanged, but does the opposite." Thus the Muslim can fondle and enjoy his menstruating wife, avoiding only the place of hurt. The Islamic position in this regard is' as always, a middle one, between the one extreme of spelling the menstruating woman from the house and the other extreme of having intercourse with her. Recent medical researchers have discovered that the menstrual flow contains a toxic substance which, if undischarged, may be harmful to the body. Likewise; they have discovered the reason why intercourse should be avoided during this time. The reproductive organs become highly congested and the nerves very sensitive due to the secretion of the internal glands; consequently, intercourse may irritate them, possibly impeding the menstrual flow and causing inflammation of the sexual organs.[9]
”

Homosexuality

Ordinarily accepted interpretations of the Qur'an condemn male homosexuality through the story of Lot (see Qur'an verses: 11:69-83, 29:28-35), similarly rendered to the story as it appears in the Biblical book of Genesis, as well as through a verse addressed directly to Muhammad and his followers, which reads:

* If two men commit a lewd act, punish them both; if they repent and mend their ways, leave them alone -- God is always ready to accept repentance, He is full of mercy. (4:16)

It is not always clear whether or not the Qur'an specifically refers to female homosexuality. The verse prior to the one cited above, which begins "if any of your women commit a lewd act," has been interpreted to mean female homosexuality by way of its being paired with a verse regarding "two men among you," but it has also been interpreted to refer to a more general state of illegal sexual activity. Regardless, as sexual activity in Islam has in effect been restricted to marriage and marriage restricted to relationships between opposite sex partners, the correlation broadly drawn has been that all homosexual activity is forbidden, without respect to gender.

As with other faiths, some contemporary interpreters and organizations are working to reinterpret texts so as to allow for same-gender relationships, however this burgeoning venture has not been widely accepted in the mainstream Muslim community. See also Homosexuality and Islam.

Prostitution

Sahih Bukhari 3:34:439

A narration attributed to Abu Mas'ud Al-Ansari reports:
“ Allah's Apostle forbade taking the price of a dog, money earned by prostitution and the earnings of a soothsayer. ”

Masturbation

The Quran does not mention masturbation.

Contraception

The primary method of birth control in Muhammad's time was coitus interruptus (Arabic: al-'azl), the withdrawal method. Numerous hadith are used to declare this an acceptable practice, some with stipulations that it is only so with the woman's consent. A minority of opinions instead uphold a saying attributed to Muhammad that it is "a minor infanticide," however the accuracy of this remark is generally considered weak and therefore may be disregarded.

By correlation this general acceptance of the withdrawal method is expanded to include most modern forms of birth control. However, their use is limited to family planning purposes and are generally considered makruh (things not explicitly forbidden but which should be avoided nonetheless) if intended to permanently prevent conception.

A narration attributed to Jabir ibn Abdullah reports:
“ We used to practice coitus interruptus while the Quran was being revealed. Jabir added: We used to practice coitus interruptus during the lifetime of Allah's Apostle while the Quran was being revealed.[10] ”

A narration attributed to Abu-Sa'id al-Khudri reports:
“ A man said: Apostle of Allah, I have a slave-girl and I withdraw the penis from her (while having intercourse), and I dislike that she becomes pregnant. I intend (by intercourse) what the men intend by it. The Jews say that withdrawing the penis (azl) is burying the living girls on a small scale. He (the Prophet) said: The Jews told a lie. If Allah intends to create it, you cannot turn it away.[11] ”

The above hadith makes it clear that intercourse for sole aim of sexual gratification is not prohibited in Islam.

Abortion

Islam does not traditionally hold that ensoulment occurs at the point of conception. Two passages in the Qur'an describe the fetal development process:

* ...We created you from dust, then from a drop of fluid, then a clinging form, then a lump of flesh, both shaped and unshaped: We mean to make Our power clear to you. Whatever We choose We cause to remain in the womb for an appointed time, then We bring you forth as infants and then you grow and reach maturity. ... (22:5)

* We created man from an essence of clay, then We placed him as a drop of fluid in a safe place, then We made that drop into a clinging form, and We made that form into a lump of flesh, and We made that lump into bones, and We clothed those bones with flesh, and later We made him into other forms -- glory be to God, the best of creators! (23:12-14)

Traditional scholarship places the point of ensoulment nearer to the end of this process, naming it as anywhere between 40 and 120 days after conception, making abortion permissible until that point, though increasingly disliked as time passed.

Contemporary scholarship, however, is more likely to more strongly restrict or even forbid abortion, on the grounds that modern technology has permitted us to perceive life in the womb earlier than was previously possible. All schools of thought, traditional and modern, make allowances for circumstances threatening the health or life of the mother.

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari in a lecture stated that it was murder if done after three months and before that it was a crime, but not to the degree of murder.

Fatima Zahra's Marriage

from: http://www.ezsoftech.com/islamic/wedding.asp

Fatima Zahra (S.A.) on the way to marriage:

When Fatima Zahra (S.A.) reached nine years of age, she was a fully-grown woman who enjoyed intellectual maturity and integrity of conduct. Allah gifted her with a brilliant mentality and cleverness, together with beauty, grace and elegance. Her talents were many and she inherited and acquired noble traits excel those of any female or male.

Fatima's religious feelings and literary knowledge were unlimited. You will come to know that she was the most knowledgeable and most honorable woman in the world. In fact, history has not witnessed any other woman who achieved such a high level of education, knowledge, and social graces that Fatima reached; regardless of the fact that she did not graduate from any educational establishment save the school of Revelation and Messenger ship.

In light of this, it is not strange that prominent companions of the Prophet asked to marry her, but he (S.A.W.) rejected them by saying: "Her affair is left to her Lord; whenever He wills, she will marry."

Shu'aib Ibn Saab Al-Misri said the following in Ar-Rawd Al-Faeq: "When the sun of her beauty shined in the heavens of Messenger ship and became fill on the horizon of exaltation of the moon of her perfection, the dawns of thoughts reached towards her and the sights of the chosen longed to observe her beauty; so the masters of the Muhajarin and Ansar asked to marry her, but the one who was bestowed with Allah's satisfaction [the Prophet (S.A.W.)] rejected them and said: 'I am waiting for Allah's ordinance in her regards."

Abu Bakr and Umar were among those who asked to marry Fatima, but the Prophet rejected them too, and said that she was still too young for marriage. Abdur Rahman Ibn Awf also asked for her hand, but the Prophet ignored him.

Ali lbn Muragi reported in his book Kanz Al-Umal V.2, P.99 that Anas Ibn Malik said: "Abu Bakr came to see the Prophet (S.A.W.). After sitting down he said: 'O Messenger of Allah, you surely know of my devotion and long standing service to Islam...'

The Prophet then said: 'What is it that you want?' Abu Bakr then said: 'I want you to give me Fatima in marriage.' When the Prophet heard this, he did not say anything, so Abu Bakr returned to Umar and said: 'I have ruined myself and others!' Umar said: 'What happened?'

Abu Bakr replied: 'I asked for Fatima's hand from the Prophet, but he ignored me.' Umar siad: 'You stay here, and I will go ask the Prophet for the same thing that you asked him for.' Umar went to the Prophet and after sitting down started saying: 'O Messenger of Allah, you surely know of my devotion and long standing service to Islam...' The Prophet then said: 'What is it that you want?'

Umar replied: 'I want you to give me Fatima in marriage.' But the Prophet ignored him too. Umar returned to Abu Bakr and said: 'He is waiting far Allah's command in her regard.

Al-Haithami also reported in his book Majma Az-Zawa'ed that Abu Bakr and Umar sent their daughters to the Prophet (S.A.W.) in order to ask him to give Fatima in marriage to them; but when the daughters mentioned why they had come, the Prophet said: "No! Not until Allah's command in her regard is revealed".

Perhaps the Messenger avoided telling Abu Bakr and Umar openly that he is keeping Fatima for the qualified man, because he did not want to declare to them that they were unqualified to marry her, and that his daughter was above their level. The Prophet also wanted everything to occur in its natural order.

Imam Ali (A.S.) was staying in the house of Saad Ibn Ma'adh (According to one historical finding) since he immigrated to Medina. One day, While Imam Ali was in one of the gardens of Medina, Saad came to him and said: "What prevents you from asking to marry Fatima from your cousin?"

It has also been mentioned in Kanz Al-Umal that Umar came to Ali (A.S.) and said: "What prevents you from (marrying) Fatima?"

Imam Ali replied: "I fear that he (the Prophet) will not give her to me in marriage!"

Umar said: "If he does not give her to you in marriage, then whom will she marry? Besides, you are the nearest of Allah's creatures to him..."

Actually, Ali had never mentioned his desire to marry Fatima for two reasons; first his shyness to do so in front of the Prophet, and secondly because of his very difficult economic condition. Imam Ali owned nothing of the imperial belongings of this world-not even a house or a peace of land! So how could he get married? And where would he live with his wife? Besides, Fatima (S.A.) is not the type of woman who can be neglected or looked down upon!

Nevertheless, the purpose of marriage in Islam is to establish a family. The question of sex is not the main goal, rather it is a matter included and taken care of by marriage. In addition, Islam came to break the chains and the blind adoption of concepts, which deprived many people from marriage by making it difficult for them to acquire partners; thus, preventing them from a basic and natural necessity needed for the survival of mankind. Therefore-thanks to Islam-marriage became an easy affair. Tribe and race consciousness was eradicated by the new religion. The Prophet (S.A.W.), who was still going through the stage of building Islam, wanted to set an example through his words and deeds in this field; for he is the exemplar and model for the people. So he fought ignorant and infidel customs through his works and actions.

Imam Ali (A.S.) finally approached the Prophet (S.A.W.) and asked for Fatima's hand in marriage. The Messenger, who has absolute guardianship over all Muslim men and women, including his daughter, would not announce his agreement to the marriage without Fatima's consent. By this action, he (S.A.W.) made it clear that it is inevitable to obtain the daughter's permission for marriage, because she is the one who is to live with the man and share his life. Indeed, giving a girl in marriage to someone without her prior approval or permission is a clear violation of her honor, degradation of her personality, disruption of her soul and a practical declaration to her that she is like an animal who can be sold or given as a gift to anyone without the right to state her opinion.

The Prophet in reply to Ali said: "Ali, many men have asked before you and she has rejected them-her resentment to marry them was clear on her face. Yet, wait until I bring you the answer."

The Prophet left Ali waiting for the answer. The Prophet informed his daughter that Ali wished to marry her. Fatima did not need to ask about Ali's occupation, manners, age and other traits; because she knew all about his talents, excellent traits and long-standing service to Islam. It is for this reason that the Prophet (S.A.W.) only said to her:

"Fatima, you know Ali lbn Abu Talib's relationship to us, his devotion and faithfulness to Islam. I asked Allah to give you in marriage to the best of His creatures, and the most beloved to Him; and he (Ali) has declared his wish to marry you; what do you say?"

Ali & FatimaFatima did not reply, nor did she show a sign of rejection or resentment, so he (S.A.W.) stood up and said: "Allah is the Greatest! Her silence is her approval."

The Prophet considered Fatima's silence as her consent and approval of the marriage; because a shy, virgin girl is not expected to declare her agreement openly. Yes, she can openly express disagreement and rejection of marriage. But shyness prevents a girl from declaring her wish to marry a man, but it does not stop her from rejecting it.

The Prophet (S.A.W.) went back to the waiting Ali and informed him of Fatima's approval of the marriage. He also inquired about the extent of his preparedness to fulfill the requirements needed for the wedding, because legally and traditionally there has to be a dowry. Especially in light of the fact that this marriage would be remembered and be of great influence to the future generations. Thus, it was important to observe every element and event, which would play a part of this marriage-within the limits of simplicity and modesty.

The Prophet said to Ali: "Do you possess anything (which you can pay for the dowry) to marry Fatima?"

Imam Ali answered: "May my parents be your sacrifice! By Allah, there is not a thing of my affairs hidden from you; I own my sword, shield and the camel which I use for irrigation!"

Indeed, this was everything that Ali possessed in this world when he was about to get married!

The Messenger open-heartedly listened to Ali and said:

"Ali, you cannot do without your sword, for you have to struggle with it and defend yourself against the enemies of Allah. As for your camel, you need is to irrigate palm trees and supports your family, and you need it as a means of travel. But I accept the shield as a dowry from you; thus sell it and bring me the money!"

Ali had won this shield from the booty of the battle of Badr. The Messenger, who named it Al-Hademah, gave it to him; because it destroyed all the swords which stuck it.

The Commander of the Faithful (A.S.) sold the shield for 480 or 500 dirhams and brought the money to the Prophet (S.A.W.). They both agreed that this money would be the dowry of the most honorable girl and most exalted female of the universe. Yes Fatima was the Mistress of the women of the world, and the daughter of the Master of Prophets and Messengers, who was the best of Allah's creatures.

Yet, he (S.A.W.) gave his daughter in marriage in return for such a modest dowry in order to teach other Muslim girls not to refrain from marriage because of modest dowries. There are many other lessons, which we can learn from Fatima's marriage, but this is not the place to mention them.

Despite Fatima's modest marriage on Earth, Allah, the Exalted, bestowed her with an honorable gift. He (Glory be to Him) gave her in marriage to Ali Ibn Abu Talib, before the Messenger himself did so. This is not abnormal, for Allah had given women who are much lower than Fatima in marriage to the Prophet (S.A.W.). For example, He gave Zainab Bint Jahsh to the Prophet in marriage as it is stated in the Holy Quran.

"Then when Zaid had dissolved (his marriage) with her, with the necessary (formality), We joined her in marriage to thee." (33:50)

Therefore, was it not possible for Fatima's wedding to have been celebrated in the exalted heavens, and attended by the nearest angels to Allah, the Exalted, as Prophetic Traditions State! Indeed, this is what happened in tribute to Fatima, her Father, her husband, and her future children who are the authorities of Allah on His creatures.

The celebration took place in the fourth Heaven near Al-Bait Al-Ma'mour (the constantly attended house of Allah). It was a unique event the like of which the universe had never encountered before. Angels from all the Heavens gathered in the fourth Heaven and erected the Minbar of Honor, which is made of light. Then Allah, The Almighty, revealed to one of His angels, Rahil, to ascend the Minber and praise and glorify His names as He deserves. Rahil, who was the most eloquent of all angels, did what his Lord revealed to him and said: "Praise be Allah, since sempiternity of the first (creatures); He who is ever-lasting (even) after the cessation of all beings; We praise Him for making us spiritual angels, who are submitting to His Godship, and for making us grateful of Him for His benevolence on us.

He safeguarded us from craving for lusts; and made our only pleasure and enjoyment to glorify and exalt Him. He who extended His Mercy (upon everything); and bestowed His benevolence (upon everyone). Exalted is His Name from the polytheism of polytheists of the dwellers of Earth, And Elevated by His Creatures from the fabrications of the atheists.

Allah, The Omnipotent King, chose the one who was bestowed with special Divine Honor, and the worshipper of His Greatness, for His worshipper, the Mistress of women and the daughter of the best of prophets, the Master of all messengers and the Imam of the pious; so He brought into relations the Prophet with a man from his kin. One who is his believing companion, and was prompt in answering his call-Ali, the devout; with Fatima the splendid and the daughter of the Messenger."

Then Gabriel added the following words, which were from Allah, the Exalted:

"Praise is My garment, Greatness is My Magnificence, All the creatures are My slaves men and women. I give Fatima, My Worshipper in marriage to Ali, My chosen worshipper. So bear witness O MY angels."

This narration was also reported by a group of Sunni scholars, among them are: Abdurrahman As-Safawi in Nuzhat Al-Majalis V.2, P.223, reported that Jabir Ibn Abdullah (May Allah be pleased with him) said:

"Um Ayman came to the Prophet (S.A.W.) crying; the Prophet asked her why she was crying? She replied; 'A man from the Ansar just informed me that his daughter has just been married, and that sprinkled sweets and almonds on her Thus, this reminded me that when Fatima married Ali, you did not sprinkle anything on her.'

There-upon the Prophet said: 'By Allah Who sent me with honor, and gifted me with the Messenger ship; when Allah gave Fatima to Ali in marriage, He ordered the nearest angels to surround the Throne-including Gabriel, Michael and Israfil. He also commanded birds to sing and ordered the tree of Tuba to sprinkle them with fresh pearls, white gems, green chrysalides and red rubies.'

According to another tradition, he (S.A.W.) said: "The marriage took place near the Lotus tree in the seventh Heaven, on the night of Ascension. (On that occasion) Allah revealed to the tree: 'Sprinkle all that you bear on them.' So it sprinkled them with gems, jewelry and corals."

2. Al-Hafiz Abu Nu'aym reported in Hilyat Al-Owliya V.5, P.59, that Abdullah Ibn Masoud said:"...then Allah commanded the Tree of Paradise to bear gems and jewelry; He then ordered it to sprinkle them over the angels. So whoever received more than the others on that day, will be proud of it until the Day of Resurrection."

3. This narration was mentioned by: Kharazmi in Maqtal Al-Hussain, Asqalani in Lisan Al-Mizan and Tahdhib Al-Tahdhib, and Qandouzi in Yanabi' Al-Mawaddah.

4. It has been reported in Nuzhat Al-Majalis that Anas Ibn Malik said: 'The Prophet was in the mosque when he said to Ali: 'Here is Gabriel informing me that Allah gave Fatima to you in marriage, and made forty thousand angels testify to her marriage. He also revealed to the Tree of Tuba to sprinkle them with gems, rubies, jewelry and embellishments. When is had done this, the Huris rushed to collect these gems, rubies, jewelry and embellishments to exchange them for gifts until the Day of Resurrection.'" (Sayuti reported this narration in Tahdheer Al-Khawas.)

The Messenger (S.A.W.) performed the engagement proceedings in the mosque while he was on the Minbar, in the presence of the Muslims, so as to enact the practice of announcing and assigning witnesses to engagement proceedings; and specified the amount of dowry, so that the Muslims could follow his practice in requesting modest dowries for marriages. He (S.A.W.) said:

"Avoid exaggeration in the (amounts of) dowries, because this causes enmity (between you)."

The Prophet (S.A.W.) also assigned the desirable practice of limiting dowry to five hundred dirhams. He (S.A.W.) and the Holy Imams of Ahlul-Bayt never exceeded this amount of dowry in their marriages.

When Ali had sold his shield, he brought the money to the Prophet; who divided it into thirds: one-third was for household necessities, one-third was for perfumes and embellishments for the wedding, and the remaining one-third he gave to Um Salamah, who was to give it back to Ali to assist him in paying for food for the guests attending the ceremony.

Naturally, Ali's marriage to Fatima Zahra (S.A.) raised envy and enmity in the hearts of some men; especially those who were rejected by Fatima and her father when they had asked for her hand. So it was not strange to see some Quraishans come to the Prophet and say: "Surely you have taken a lowly dowry for Fatima from Ali" The Prophet replied: "It was not I who gave (Fatima to) Ali in marriage, rather Allah did so on the night of ascension near the Lotus tree (in the seventh Heaven)..." He then added: "Verily I am a man just like you; I marry (from) your women and give you my (marriageable) women in marriage, save Fatima, for her marriage was revealed in Heaven."

The Prophet gave Abu Bakr some money and asked him to accompany Bilal and Salman, (or Ammar Ibn Yasir) to buy some household necessities for Fatima's house. The Prophet said to Abu Bakr: "Buy some appropriate household necessities for my daughter with this money." Abu Bakr said: "He gave sixty-three (63) dirhams, so we went to the market and bought the following:

01. Two mattresses made of Egyptian canvas. (One stuffed with fiber and the other with sheep wool).

02. A leather mat.

03. A pillow made of skin, filled with palm tree fiber.

04. A Khaibarion cloak.

05. An animal skin for water.

06. Some jugs and jars also for water.

07. A pitcher painted with tar.

08. A thin curtain made of wool.

09. A shirt costing seven (7) dirhams.

10. A veil costing four (4) dirhams.

11. Black plush cloak.

12. A bed embellished with ribbon.

13. Four cushions made of skin imported from Ta 'ef stuffed with a good smelling plant.

14. A mat from Hajar.

15. A hand-mill.

16. A special copper container used for dyestuff.

17. A pestle for grinding coffee.

18. A (water) skin.

When Abu Bakr and the other companions had bought the above-mentioned articles, they carried them to Um Salama's house. When the Prophet saw them, he started kissing every article and supplicated to Allah, saying: "O Allah, bless them! For they are people who the majority of their belongings are made of natural materials."

These were all the furnishings they purchased for the daughter of the best of all prophets and messengers. But indeed, marital happiness is not achieved by wealth and overspending, nor can expensive wardrobes, gems, golden ware, luxurious furniture, splendid palaces or comfortable automobiles provide a person with marital happiness, contrary to the beliefs of most people.

How many wealthy women dressed in expensive wardrobes and embellished themselves with gems and jewelry, which cover their necks, arms, and ears consider life an unbearable misery. On the contrary, how many women are there who live in shacks, who cook, bake bread, wash clothes, sweep floors, nurse their children and struggle hard in light of their simple lives, yet consider themselves happy people and their houses to be gardens of Eden.

This fact is also true for men. Yet, unfortunately, many young unmarried women hold the wrong view then marital happiness can only be found through wealth and luxuries. They consider simplicity a sign of misery and deprivation; therefore, these miserable youths remain unmarried waiting for marital happiness to knock on their doors, accompanied by wealth and luxuries!

Part of Fatima's dowry is "intercedence on the day of resurrection"

Although Fatima's dowry was modest, because of the Messenger's wish to set an example for the Muslims and for other implicit reasons, Fatima Zahra (S.A.) did not ignore her greatness and exalted identity to obtain a fantastic gift for her wedding. Fatima's drive for excellence and perfection motivated her to ask for the right of intercedence - if Allah willed - for the sinners among the Muslims.

Abmad Ibn Yusuf Ad-Dimashqi in his book Akhbar Al-Dowal Wa Ath-tha Al-Uwal reported the following: "It was narrated that when she (Fatima) learnt about her marriage and that her dowry was a small number of dirhams, she said:

'O Messenger of Allah, lay-girls take money for dowries; what is the difference between them and me (if my dowry was to be money too)? I kindly ask you to give it back and supplicate to Allah, the Exalted, to make my dowry the right to intercede for the sinners among Muslims (on the Day of Rising).' It was then that Gabriel descended with a label on which the following statement was wirtten:

'Allah ordained Fatima Zahra's dowry to be intercedence for the sinners among Muslims.'

When Fatima (S.A.) was on her deathbed, she asked that the label be put on her chest under the coffin. Thus, it was done so. Fatima (S.A.) said: 'When l am rated on the Day of Resurrection, I will present this label with my hand to intercede for the sinners from among my Father's nation.'

It is apparent that the narration mentioned above illustrates the greatness, honor, and excellence Lady Fatima enjoyed. The Messenger's supplication was answered, so Fatima will present the label on the day when it is most needed. Nasfi said:

"Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Prophet (S.A.W.) that her dowry would be intercedence for his nation on the day of Resurrection. So when she passes the path, she will ask for her dowry."

It is worthy to mention that many narration's have been reported on the account of Ahlul-Bayt (A.S.) to the effect that intercedence is part of Fatima Zahra's dowry.

Preparations for the wedding

A non-planned period of time elapsed between the engagement and the wedding ceremony, because Imam Ali (A.S.) was too shy to ask the Prophet to assign a day for the wedding, while he (S.A.W.) wanted to protect Fatima's pride by refraining from asking Ali to do so.

A month or more passed by before Imam Ali said anything regarding the wedding. Aqeel (Ali's brother) asked him about the reason for the delay in holding the wedding ceremony and encouraged him to prepare for the wedding and to ask the Prophet (S.A.W.) to assign a date for it. Despite Ali's shyness, he accompanied Aqeel to the Prophet's house to fulfill his wishes. On their way to the Prophet's house, they met Um Ayman who, when told the reason for their visit, asked them to leave the matter to her. She, in turn, informed Um Salama and the Prophet's wives who gathered in Aisha's house, where the Prophet (S.A.W.) was, and said:

"May our parents be your sacrifice! We are gathered here in regard to that, had Khadija been alive would have brought happiness to her life!"

When hearing Khadija's name, the Prophet cried and said: "Surely Khadija believed me when men did not, and helped in establishing Allah's religion, and granted me her belongings in its path.

Allah -Exalted is His Name- commanded me to bring the good news to Khadija that (she has) a house in Paradise made of brocade and emeralds, where there is not roaring or strain."

Um Salama said: "May our parents be your sacrifice, O Messenger of Allah! Surely everything you have praised Khadija for is true, but she departed to her Lord! May He bring happiness to her and gather us with her in the Paradise of His satisfaction and Mercy.

Messenger of Allah? Your brother from among the people of the world, who is also your cousin, Ali Ibn Abu Talib, wished that you specify a day for the wedding so that he may be united with his wife Fatima."

The Prophet answered: "Why doesn't Ali ask me to do so?"

She replied: "Shyness prevents him!"

He said: "Um Ayman, go call Ali for me."

When Um Ayman came out, she found Ali (A.S.) waiting for the answer. Upon her request he, entered the house and shyly sat near the Prophet who said to him:

"Do you wish to be wedded to your wife?"

Ali replied: "Alright, it is to your honor! If you wish, the wedding can take place tonight or tomorrow night, if Allah wills."

The Prophet said: "So prepare a house for Fatima."

Ali then said: "The only house I can acquire is Harithah Ibn Al-Numan's."

The Prophet said: "Surely we are shy for Harithah lbn Al-Numan, for we have taken the majority of his houses!"

When Harithah heard about this, he proceeded towards the Prophet and said: "Messenger of Allah, I and my property belong to Allah and His Messenger. By Allah, there is nothing more beloved to me than that which you take; it surely is more desirable to me (that you take it) than if you leave it (for me)!"

Consequently, Harithah, motivated by his strong faith and belief in good deeds, granted Ali (A.S.) one of his houses. Imam Ali furnished one of the rooms by spreading sand on the floor and erecting a pole for hanging the water container. He also purchased a jug and jar and laid a piece of wood between two walls for hanging clothes, and placed a ram's skin on the floor and put a pillow made of fiber on it. In addition to some gifts which were given to him by some companions.

The Prophet (S.A.W.) ordered Ali (A.S.) to hold a dinner because Allah, the Exalted, is pleased with those who do so; for the social good it does-such as bringing people together and implementing love and harmony among them.

It is noteworthy that Lady Fatima Zahra (S.A.) excelled in giving on the path of Allah; she possessed generosity that no other woman can claim to be equal to.

Al-Asfouri wrote in his book Nuzhat Al-Majalis V.2, P.226, on the authority of Ibn Al-Tawous: "The Prophet (S.A.W.) had a new dress made for Fatima (as a gift) for her wedding; she had just one old patched dress. On her wedding night, someone knocked on the door and said: 'I ask the household of Prophet hood to give me an old dress.' At first Fatima was going to give him her old dress, but then remembered the Quranic verse:

'By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love (prefer)'

She then gave the poor man her new dress. Consequently, Gabriel descended and said: 'O Muhammad! Allah sends Him peace upon you; He commanded me to greet Fatima and (give her the gift He sent to her) which is a dress from Paradise, made of silk brocade...'

(Returning to the feast), when the food had been prepared, the meat cooked, the bread baked and the dates and butter obtained, the Prophet (S.A.W.) started spitting the dates and mixing them with the butter to replace sweetmeat for the wedding.

When everything was ready, he (S.A.W.) asked Ali to invite the people to the feast.

When Ali reached the Mosque, he found it crowded with people-all were at the Mosque, from the poor immigrants who lived there to the Ansars. Nevertheless, Ali's generosity and noble-heartedness did not allow him to invite some people and exclude others, especially since everyone wanted to be invited to the Prophet's daughter's wedding feast. Ali's belief in Allah's power and the Prophet's blessed heart, motivated him to call out loud:

"O people, answer the call for the feast of Fatima Bint Muhammad."

Men and women from all around Medina gathered in the house. They ate, drank and even took food to their homes. The blessings of the Prophet were obvious on that day, for not only the food was enough to feed everyone, but also it did not decrease at all. The Prophet (S.A.W.) asked for food containers to be brought and filled them and sent them to his wives and left a special container for Fatima and her husband.

By sunset, the wedding night had begun; it was time for Fatima to depart to her new home. Everything went well, for the Prophet (S.A.W.) had made all the necessary preparation for the wedding. Despite the simplicity and modesty of her wedding, Fatima's marriage ceremony was surrounded by signs of greatness, excellence, and beauty. AI-Haithami wrote in Majma' Az-Zawaed that Jabir said:

Marriage"We were present at Fatima and Ali's (May Allah be pleased with them) wedding ceremony, and indeed we have not seen any ceremony better than that one..."

The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) ordered his wives to embellish Fatima (S.A.) before the wedding; they perfumed and dressed her with jewelry. They all helped to ready Fatima; some combed her hair while others embellished and dressed her in the dress brought by Gabriel from Paradise.

Allah's Messenger (S.A.W.) paid special attention to Fatima Zahra (S.A.), which he did not bestow on his other daughters for the following reasons;

A. Her special characteristics and noble traits.

B. Her husband is Ali Ibn Abu Talib, who is known for his talents and longstanding service to Islam-besides being the Prophet's cousin.

C. The Prophet (S.A.W.) also knew that his daughter was going to be included in the verse of purification, the verse of Mubahelah (supplication), and the verse of Kinship.

D. Fatima also is the mother of the Holy lmams who will lead humanity until the Day of Resurrection.

The night of Fatima's wedding arrived. Because every girl needs her mother on her wedding night; Fatima missed Khadija and felt very much like an orphan. With his (S.A.W.) noble and special attention to Fatima, the Prophet wished to fill Khadija's space; the Prophet called Ali (A.S.) and Fatima (S.A.), who proceeded towards him-Fatima, was in her long heavenly dress overtaken with shyness. He (S.A.W.) brought his gray horse and asked Fatima to ride it and ordered Salman to lead while he (S.A.W.) followed them.

Yes, indeed, Fatima's wedding was attended by heavenly creatures as well as people; for she is a human huri.

Al-Khateeb Al-Baghdadi in Tareekh Baghdad V.5, P.7, Al-Hamvini in Durar Al-Simtain, Al-Dhahabi in Mizan Al-Etedal, Garani in Akhbar Al-Dowal, and Qandouzi in Yanabi' Al-Mawaddah have narrated that Ibn Abbas said:

'When Fatima was taken to Ali's house on her wedding night, the Prophet preceded her, Gabriel was on her right, and Michael on her left, and seventy thousand angels followed her. These angels praised and glorified Allah until dawn!

The Hashemit men, Abdul Muttalib's daughters, and Muhajarin and Ansar's women all accompanied Fatima's caravan that night. The Prophet's wives joyfully led the caravan; they were also the first to enter the house.

Upon arriving, the Prophet (S.A.W.) placed Fatima's hand in Ali's hand and said:

'May Allah bless his Messenger's daughter;

Ali, this is Fatima, you are responsible for her (or I entrust her to you).

Ali, what an excellent wife Fatima is!

Fatima, what an excellent husband Ali is!

O Allah, bless them, bless their lives, and bless their children.

O Allah, surely they are the most beloved to me from among your creatures, so love them too, and assign for them a guardian.

I place them and there progeny under your protection from the curse devil.'

The Prophet (S.A.W.) then asked for a jug of water; he sipped a small amount of the water and after gargling with it, placed it back in the jug. He then called for Fatima and sprayed her head and shoulders with that water and did the same thing to Ali (A.S.). Thereafter, he ordered the women to leave the house. They all left except Asma Bint Umais. When he noticed that she had stayed behind, he exclaimed:

'Didn't I ask you to leave?'

She answered: 'Indeed, O Messenger of Allah! May my parents be your sacrifice; I did not intend to disobey you, but I promised Khadija to take her place on this night' this moved The Prophet; he cried and said to Asma: 'By Allah, is this the reason that made you stay behind?'

She said: 'Yes, by Allah!'

He (S.A.W.) then said: Asma, may Allah fulfill for you the needs of this world and the Hereafter.

Fatima's house

The contemporary civilized world realizes the importance of paying due attention to certain spots and structures, which are connected to identify noble people or valuable entities. Thus, laws related to this matter have been legislated, such as diplomatic immunity for specific individuals and buildings, and laws which regulate the use of public places, universities, temples, and so on, that are related to science, religion, and culture.

Allah knew the importance of these actions and laws the Exalted, and His chosen worshippers from the beginning. Rules and regulations which govern entering mosques, especially the Sacred Mosque in Mecca, such as preventing certain groups of people like the infidels, the Junub, and menstruating women from entering them, are a reflection of this fact. Other examples of such laws are: the necessity to keep these places pure; the importance of respecting the sanctity of mosques; the forbiddance of hunting in and around Mecca during certain periods of time.

Fatima's house is certainly one of these places, which is surrounded by sanctity, holiness and exaltation. It was built on respect, honor and righteousness. Those who realize know the value of her house.

Sheik Majlisi (May Allah bless his soul) reported on the authority of Anas Ibn Malik that Buraidah said:

Allah's Messenger read the verse: "In houses, which Allah hath permitted to be raised to honor; for the celebration in, the of His name:

In them is He glorified in the mornings and in the evenings." A man then exclaimed: "Whose houses are there, O Messenger of Allah?" The Prophet answered: "Prophet's houses." Abu Bakr said; "Messenger of Allah, is this one of these houses (He meant Fatima's house)?

The Prophet replied; "Yes, it is among the best of them!" Ibn Abbas also said: "I was in the Prophet's mosque when someone read: 'In houses which Allah hath permitted to be raised in honor,..' So I said: 'Messenger of Allah; which houses?'

He (S.A.W.) said: 'Prophet's houses;' and pointed to Fatima's house."

It has been narrated in Al-Kafi that Abdullah Ibn Jafar Al-Ansari said:

Once, the Prophet of Allah proceeded towards Fatima's house while I was with him; when we reached the door, he pushed the door (slightly) and said:

'Assalamu Alaikum'

Fatima (S.A.) answered: 'Alaik as-Salaam, Messenger of Allah.'

The Prophet (S.A.W.) then said: 'May I come in?'

She (S.A.) said: 'I do not have my veil on, O Messenger of Allah.'

He (S.A.W.) said: 'Fatima, cover your head with your cloak'

When she had done so, he said: 'Assalamu Alaikum'

She answered: 'Alaik-as-Salaam, Messenger of Allah.'

He repeated the request for permission to enter the house with me, and she gave us permission."

The Islamic Wife in the light of Holy Qur'an and Ahadees

from:www.ezsoftech.com/omm/man.asp

HijabThe Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "A thankful tongue, a soft-hearted wife is a friend of yours in religion.'' These are the qualities that Islam desires in a woman who shall nurture the future generations of mankind towards an Islamic society.

Sociologists all over the world are laying more and more stress on the importance of family life, as opposed to what goes on in the West, where 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce, where 60% of divorced women are prone to suicide, and almost every separated family has a history of a delinquent child.

As a maintainer of woman, the man has been deemed responsible for managing the day-to-day affairs outside the house, striving to earn, a livelihood. Woman has been given complete charge of the house, responsible for rearing the children and managing the home. This division of management is not in any way derogatory to the honor of woman; she is not the man's slave, but his equal. In all its wisdom, Islam has allotted different sets of duties to men and women because of their different physical and mental attributes. Man is physically better suited to rough it out in the harsh world, and, due to her physical and emotional make up, woman is more suitable to manage the house.

A woman is more self-sufficient in household affairs and better shoulders the responsibility of rearing the children. This arrangement guarantees the continuation and the formation of a society complementing religion. This is a great trial and test for man and woman. Very rarely do we find a family like that of Imam Ali (A.S.), which contains a Fatima Zahra (S.A.), Hassan (A.S.), Hussain (A.S.), Zainab (S.A.) and Kulsum (S.A.).

The Holy Qur'an states: "They (wives) are an apparel for you, and you are an apparel for them." (2:187)

What the Qur'an is stating is clear - besides covering the body, apparel protects the body from the vagaries of nature, enhancing one's personal beauty. Man and wife should complement each other, and as Imam Ali (A.S.) has said, "Like a dress, a worthy wife will conceal one's fault."

Whether a man or a woman has an ideological or moral weakness, they will hide one another's faults.

Almighty Allah has compared man and wife with apparel, because by their unity they cover up their natural shortcomings, and their union protects them from the miseries of living alone.

Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said, "Be careful of the woman you choose, the woman you will make a partner in your property, religion and secrets. Find a woman who is well behaved and good tempered."

Our Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "The honored woman before Allah are those who are obedient to their husbands and remain within the boundaries of their homes."

Although the Prophet (S.A.W.) is stressing one of the most important rights a man has over his wife, the present day Muslim wife has been given other rights besides the right to raise her voice against tyranny and cruelty. The garb of hijab, or modest dress, grants the woman her independence, the right to educate herself and to participate in social activity.

The divine psychologist, the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.), told his daughter Bibi Fatima (S.A.), "O Fatima! If a woman worshipped Allah 70,000 years and died disobeying her husband, she would be among the people of Hell."

There are similar sayings, which remind husbands to fulfill their duties towards their wives.

A woman is not a man's slave; she is his equal. In order that the family union be a peaceful and Islamic one, the man's authority is not based on tyranny or fear, but love and mercy, as the Holy Qur'an says: "And made him her spouse, so that he may rest in her."

If there is a family which has its foundations on hatred, tyranny and fear, the family would come crashing down, but in an Islamic family, peace, tranquility and love prevail. After a hard day's toil and labor, a man wants to come home to a cheerful wife who fills his home and life with peace and happiness; not to a house filled with hatred, bickering and nagging.

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "There are five things which bring salvation: (1) a worthy wife; (2) a well-behaved son; (3) a well-behaved daughter; (4) a good companion to help for one's daily bread; and (5) friendship with the descendants of the Prophet (S.A.W.).

The Prophet (S.A.W.) has equated a worthy wife with the friendship of the Aal-e-Rasul. In this we see that if she is homely and cheerful, the wife is a perfect partner for a man who is committed to build an Islamic family.

According to Imam Musa Kazim (A.S.), the wife is instrumental in the training of children - therefore she is a means of strengthening faith.

Imam Ali (A.S.) said, "[In marriage] the best attributes in women are the worst attributes in men - such as pride, fear, and jealousy. If a woman is proud, she will never yield to anyone other than her husband. If she lacks courage, she will be frightened by any kind of accident. If she is jealous, she will safeguard her husband's property."

A truly Islamic wife is one who considers her husband's income as the best in the whole world, and runs the house within her budget and limits.

Allah, the All-Knowing, has promised many eternal rewards to the wife for her domestic chores. And the Prophet (S.A.W.) said. "If, while cooking food, tears come out of her eyes due to smoke, Allah will write a reward for her such as the reward of those warriors (in the way of Allah) whose eyes shed tears from the fear of Allah."

Thus, we see that if man and woman, who are bound by matrimony, perform their duties and remain within the framework assigned to them by Islam, then family life would be smooth and peaceful. Elahi Ameen.

The Rights of a Husband upon his Wife

from:www.ezsoftech.com/omm/man.asp

WifeTo complete the equation between man and woman, Islam grants the husband certain well-defined rights upon his wife. (These are, however, less expensive and narrower in scope than her rights upon him.)

By analyzing the Qur'an and the Prophet's Traditions we discover the basic rights granted by Islam to the husband upon the wife - rights that are explicitly and exactly defined:

"Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others, and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women)." Holy Qur'an (4:34)

According to a narration, a woman came to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and asked him: "O Messenger of Allah, tell me what right has the husband upon the wife?" He said: "A lot." She said: "Explain me some of them." He replied "She may not fast without his permission, nor may she go out of her house without his consent. She has to use the best of perfumes, to wear the best of her clothes, to adorn herself as best as she can, to offer herself to him day and night, and still his rights are more than that."

For a better explanation, the husband's rights upon his wife can be classified as follows:

a. Protecting his home, wealth and children: The husband should make the necessary arrangements for the household and the family, otherwise the wife is not responsible for housekeeping, cooking, cleaning etc.

It is not compulsory for her to suckle her children, attend them or nurse them. Yes, Islam renders these affectionate acts for the woman and considers them good deeds and a way of approaching Allah, unless such responsibilities are stated by the husband in the conditions of the marriage agreement.

A Tradition concerning man's right upon his wife, says: "No Muslim got a better benefit from Islam than a Muslim wife who pleases her husband, obeys his orders and protects his honor and his property during his absence."

We also read about a wonderful arbitration conducted by the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) between the Commander of Believers, Ali bin Abi Talib (a.s.) and his wife, Fatimah, the daughter of the Prophet (s.a.w.) Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.) narrates:

"Ali and Fatimah came to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) for arbitration concerning housework. The Prophet (s.a.w.) decided that all household work should be done by Fatimah, and all the works outside the house were to be done by Ali (a.s.). Fatimah later said: none but Allah knows how much pleased I was with this judgment of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) which spared me a man's job.

b. Obedience and Authority: The family is an important social unit whose orderly construction depends on sound discipline and efficient organizing. As there should be some one entrusted to shoulder responsibility over his beloved family and undertake the task of guidance and leadership within its prescribed limits, Islam has therefore, authorized the husband to be obeyed and given him the upper hand over his wife and children, until they come of age. This authority, however is under the condition that he may not issue orders contradicting the commands of religion and its principles. If he orders his family to commit a sinful act, his right will lapse and he should not be obeyed.

A Tradition says: "No creature is to obeyed in disobeying the Creator."

The following quotation from the Qur'an confirms the rights of a husband:

"Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made same of them excel others, and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women.)" Holy Qur'an (4:34)

A Tradition of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) says: "She may not go out of her house without his consent and should obey his orders."

c. Good Behavior: In order to provide an atmosphere of love and stability for her husband and her children, she is to do away with all causes of unrest, disgust and whatever may disturb the peace of the family. This can be achieved by showing affection and amity to the husband and by infusing the home atmosphere with feelings of love, joy and kindness. Man may not see in his wife, nor hear from her, what he hates to see and hear. The more the sense of beauty grows in one's self, the more one's need for love and affection is satisfied and the less the causes of trouble, boredom, frustration, bitterness, hatred, etc. Thus, such a harmonious family life full of love, joy and affection would certainly have its effects on the behavior of its members, and on their relations with the society, especially the children, who grow up in the arms of such a loving atmosphere, contrary to a miserable and unhappy family, where the husband leads a life of hatred, tension, repulsion and ill - temper, thereby bringing ruin to the family. Such environments badly affect the children, causing them to be complex and miserable, or even pushing them to be aggressive, irresponsible and lead a vagabond life.

Islam urges the mother to be the source of love, beauty, peace and security in the house and advises her to endeavor to create a tightly knit family life full of harmony and affection.

A man said to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.): "I have a wife who welcomes me at the door when I enter the house, and sees me off when I leave. When she sees me grieved, asks me: what are you grieved for? If you are anxious about your livelihood, it is guaranteed by other than you; or if you are worried about your hereafter life, may Allah increase your worries." The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "Allah has agents and she is one of them. She will get half a martyr's reward."

According to Jabir bin Abdallah Al-Ansari: Once the Prophet (s.a.w.) said:

"The best of your women is the prolific, the affectionate, the chaste, the endeared of her family, the humble to her husband, fortified against other than him, listens to what he says, and obeys his orders, offers herself to him when alone, but not in an unabashed manner like his."

d. Pleasing the husband: The wife should pay proper attention to her makeup and appearance, to attract the husband and respond to his sexual inclinations, since this is quite effective in pulling the man to his wife and strengthening the relations of love between them. She should provide him with ways of enjoying her beauty and satisfy his desires and prevent him the temptation of throwing himself into the traps of forbidden desires.

Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.) relates that a woman who came to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) was asked by him whether she was a 'put-off woman?' She asked the meaning of that, and the Prophet replied: "She is the woman who, when her husband calls her for some need, keeps putting it off until he falls asleep. Such a woman will, then, continuously be cursed by the angels until her husband wakes up."

The Qur'an briefly states the right of enjoying one's wife, by saying: "Your women are tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth when you like and do good beforehand for yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)" Holy Qur'an (2:223)

According to the above verse, the Qur'an confirms man's right to enjoy his wife in diverse ways, as she, too, has the right to enjoy this relationship.

The moral and legislative note of the above verse regarding this lawfulness is evident by the ideal advice of the Qur'an:

"...and do good beforehand for yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers."

These pieces of advice concerning man, woman and the sexual relations prove the fact how intelligently Islam has devised ways for both husband and wife to enjoy themselves according to their respective rights, so that there can be neither oppression, nor exploitation of the woman as a result of man's extravagance or misuse.

Islam, which encourages the woman to pay attention to her beauty, appearance and adornment for her husband and to show affection to him, at the same time prohibits her from doing the same for others except for her husband, because it would create psychological separation between the couple and drive the woman to deviation, shamelessness and faithlessness, besides creating tension, mistrust and hatred in her husband's heart, and finally destroying the noble edifice called family.

Hence a Tradition says: "If a woman angers her husband unjustly and sleeps, Allah would not accept her prayers until the husband is content with her, and if a woman uses perfume for other than her husband, Allah would not accept her prayer until she washes it away as she washes pollution from herself." Imam Hussain's (AS) marriage with Urainab

The Rights of a Wife upon her Husband

from: http://www.ezsoftech.com/omm/man.asp

In order to establish the relationship between wife and husband on a sound and explicit base in accordance with a clear and defined religious principle, the Qur'an says:

"...and they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in a just manner..." Holy Qur'an (2:228)

Through this wonderful legal relationship, Islam builds the connection between the couple on the basis of an exact and just equation. The woman has her legal rights upon her husband, as also the man has legal rights upon her. In short, Islam has imposed certain rights upon both husband and wife.

Studying the marital relations in Islam we realize that Islamic laws advocating marital bonds between man and wife are based on affection, mercy, kindness and good treatment towards each other and consider the marriage contract as a sacred covenant.

How wonderfully Imam Ja'far bin Muhammad Al-Sadiq (a.s.), refers to this sacred contract! He says:

"When one of you wants to marry a woman, let him say to her: 'I accept the covenant taken by Allah': ... And then (a woman) must be retained in honor or released in kindness."

The religious texts and concepts define the rights of the wife upon her husband as follows:

a. Maintenance: The Wife has the right of being properly maintained by her husband and he is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothes, residence, medical treatment, adornment (as per his means) and other expenditures needed by the wife and becoming her social status, on one hand, and falling within the husband's financial means, on the other.

Allah the Exalted says: "Lodge them where you dwell, according to your means, and harass them not so as to straiten life for them. And if they are pregnant, then spend for them till they bring forth their burden. Then, if they give suckle for you, give them their due payment and enjoin one another among you to do good; but if you disagree, then let other (woman) suckle for him. Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him; Allah does not lay a burden an any soul, except that which He has given it. Allah will bring about ease after hardship." Holy Qur'an (65:6-7)

b. Good Treatment: The following verses of the Qur'an explain the sharing of affection love, confidence and respect with her.

"...and treat them (woman) kindly..." Holy Qur'an (4:19)

"...and then (a woman) must be retained in honor or released in kindness..." Holy Qur'an (2:229)

"And of His signs is this. He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy..." Holy Qur'an (30:21)

The Messenger (s.a.w.) said: "Verily the best of you is the best to his women; and I am the best of you to my women."

He (s.a.w.) also said: "May Allah bless the man who does good between himself and his wife; as Allah the Exalted has given him authority over her and made him her guardian."

Family life is the fountain of happiness and the source of love and affection. In the warmth of the home man finds his comfort and stability, and near his wife he feels pleased and secured.

The more affectionate the relations, the better the companionship between the couple and the deeper the feeling of peace, security and comfort in the souls of husband, wife and the children.

How exact is the Prophet (s.a.w.) when he says: "A man's words to his wife: 'I love you' would never go out of her heart."

Islam enhances good companionship with the wife, fulfilling her psychological and aesthetic inclinations and satisfying her sexual and instinctive desires so that all their marital dimensions may rub against each other.

It insists even further than that. Islam asks the husband to resort to every means and method that causes his wife to love him, physically, spiritually and instinctively, tying her tightly to him. Islam urges man to be keen on keeping himself good-looking and attractive to her, responding to her sexual desire, starting with foreplay for excitement so that he may reach climax with her simultaneously, as she is a matching partner to him in enjoying sexual pleasures. She is not a mere means for satisfying man's desire.

A Tradition says: "All the believer's diversions are futile, except in three instances: in paying court to his wife, as (only) these are true." "When one wants to have sexual intercourse with his wife, one may not hasten her, as women, too, have their desires." "Three acts are considered to be rude: to accompany somebody without asking his full name; to refuse an invitation for a meal, or to accept it but refuse to eat and to start sexual intercourse with the wife before fore playing."

It is related that: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) on entering the house of Umm Salama, smelled a strong perfume. He asked: "Is Al-Hawla here?" Umm Salama replied: "Yes, she is here complaining about her husband." Al-Hawla came out and told the Prophet: "My husband neglects me." He said: "Give him more, Hawla." She answered: "I leave no perfume without using it, but he still disregards me." He remarked: "If only he would know what he would get by approaching you!" She asked: "What would he get by approaching me?" The Prophet replied: "If he approached you, two angels would escort him and he would be like a man drawing his sword to fight for the cause of Allah. Then by having sexual intercourse, his sins would fall off him like leaves from a tree and when he takes the bath, his sins would wash off him."

Al-Hasan bin Al-Jahm narrates that he saw Imam Al-Rida (a.s.) with his beard dyed. So I asked him: "May I be your sacrifice, I see you have dyed." The Imam said, "Yes, embellishment increases the chastity of women. They abandon chastity when their husbands abandon embellishment." Then he continued "Would you like to see her as she would see you, without adorning herself?" Ibn Al-Jahm answered in the negative. The Imam replied, "That is it. The habit of the prophets is to be clean, to use perfumes, to trim the hair and to frequent their wives."

By the above quotations regarding rights of the wife upon her husband we can illustrate a clear picture of leading a good marital life and fulfill all aspects of the material, moral, instinctive and aesthetic relations between husband and wife.

Benefits of Muslim Marriage

from:http://www.ezsoftech.com/omm/benefits.asp

DulhanMarriage is one of the fundamental sociological institutions. Mankind, since its very beginning, has kept to it without any disruption. Even the so-called 'uncivilized' tribes and primitive societies treat marriage as a sacred bond. Such an institution must be based on the foundation of the nature itself.

Philosophy of Marriage: Islam has based its matrimonial laws on the correlation between masculinity and femininity. Obviously this complementary system in man and woman - and it is the most intricate and inter-related one, permeating their whole beings - was, not created in vain or without purpose. The male by his nature is attracted to the female, and vice versa. And this system has only one goal in sight: Procreation. Islamic marriage is based on this reality, and all its matrimonial rules revolve around this axis. On this foundation are based the Islamic laws concerning chastity and conjugal rights, exclusive attachment of the wife to her husband and the rules of divorce and iddah (the waiting-period after a woman has been widowed or divorced before she can re-marry), legitimacy and parentage, custody of children and their upbringing, inheritance and other related matters.

In short, marriage is the only legal and honorable way of satisfying sexual desire, and the husband and wife by their union ensure the survival of mankind. Although almost all the burden in this task falls on the woman, the initial steps cannot be taken without the participation of the man.

This is the philosophy of marriage. And it also shows the first and primary benefit of matrimony.

The Holy Prophet said: Marry and procreate and increase your population.

Second Benefit of Marriage: The second benefit is that the husband and the wife jointly (but with division or responsibilities) perform the tasks which they are faced with in establishing a family. And each finds his or her fulfillment in the other. Woman is not fit to earn livelihood; man is not fit to manage domestic affairs. Marriage binds them to make up each other's deficiencies, so that the family may prosper.

The man will spend his energies in earning a livelihood for himself and his family. The woman will manage the domestic life with that income. Allah has reminded us of this very point in these words:

And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (24:32)

It is for this reason that al-Imam Ja'far as Sadiq (a.s.) said: "The sustenance is with women and dependants." Domestic science is the natural preserve of women, and by their efficient management they can make the money stretch far.

Modern non-Islamic societies have laid the foundation of matrimony on only this cooperation between husband and wife, while in Islam it is a secondary, not the primary, benefit. Marriage, according to present day societies, is a co-operative venture, albeit much narrower in scope than other such institutions, like a municipality or a club.

It is for this reason that modern laws do not pay any attention to the rules of chastity etc. This inadequate foundation - cooperation in life - has given rise to a vast multitude of social problems and has created chaos in domestic life, because it is not in complete harmony with realities of creation and nature. Man is a social animal, no doubt. Everyone cooperates with everyone else, dividing the labor and work according to one's aptitude. But this factor requires cooperation between any two persons; it does not specifically call for cooperation between a man and a woman. Therefore, it is a weak foundation on which to build the edifice of matrimony. If marriage were only a co-operative institution, there would be no need of any special rule for matrimony; the general rules governing associations and co-operative societies would be enough. It would negate the virtues of chastity and fidelity, nullify the concept of legitimacy and affinity, and abrogate the rules of inheritance - as some "advanced" societies have done. If we accept this ultimate result of the modern philosophy of marriage, we will have to accept that all this complicated and inter-related system in the bodies of man and woman was created without any purpose.

Now to return to our original topic. The basic philosophy and secondary benefit of marriage have already been described. It was because of those benefits that the Holy Prophet said: "The worst of your dead is the unmarried one."

Now, we may understand the meaning of the ayah: They (wives) are your garment and you are their garment.

The garment serves three purposes: it beautifies, it covers the parts of the body, and it protects from cold and heat. Allah says:

O children of Adam! We have indeed sent down to you clothing to cover your shame, and (clothing) for beauty and clothing that guards (against evil), that is the best. This is of the communications of Allah that they may be mindful. (7:26)

Husband and wife, by uniting together, cover the natural shortcomings of each other, and this union protects them from hardships and difficulties which one faces by living alone; the sun of happiness and prosperity shines on the horizon of life; and both, by their joint efforts, discharge all the duties laid upon them by human nature. If anyone favors his wife over his mother...!

Muslim Marriage Issues in Legal and Relationship Domains.

Marriage Issue Too many Muslim marriage issues... (from:www.muslim-marriage-guide.com)

It is natural. Life changes very quickly when you marry. No more simple ways. No more freedom of being single. Baby is born. Expenditures increase. New relations come into existence. A new partner has not only to share your bed but also your home. You may feel stressed at times. You need to adjust. You demand the same from your partner.

However, Muslim marriage issues are not unique. All marriages go through difficulties because it is real life. Their effect depends upon the attitude of the couple who is facing them. You may like to fight physically but many like to ignore them altogether.

Some prefer marriage counseling and others try to understand each other more. It all depends upon your experience and tendency to handle the difficulties. It is possible that both of you may have different temperaments but there is still a way if there is a will.

There are different kinds of difficulties. Some arise out of your social and racial backgrounds. Others relate to your children, family planning, in-laws, gender issues and mutual relationships. However, some are legal. You can broadly divide them in two major categories; legal and relationship issues.
Legal Issues
Some marriage issues start even before you contract a marriage and continue after that. Do you qualify to marry regarding your age? What kinds of marriages are legal to be contracted in Islam? What kinds of marriages are prohibited in Islam? What kinds of marriages are considered irregular? How can you regularize an irregular marriage? How can you handle maintenance problems? When you are required to pay the dower (mehr)? What are excused to get a divorce? The list goes on…
Relationship Issues
Some people consider that in a successful marriage the both partners have to contribute equally. However, the relationship problems in marriage arise when either of the party ignores the due role to be performed. You need to handle relationship marriage difficulties sensibly. In stress situations always recall why you had married at all.

Never neglect your mutual relationships as your negligence can lead to some traumatic situation. With the birth of children you may not have sufficient time to spend with each other but you should spend quality time. Quality time means that whatever time you spend together, spend that with full attention and love. Talk to each other and tell your partner how do your feel about her. Every marriage has bumps but don’t give up too soon.
Conclusion
Marriage is adventurous. But it should be a journey to build a perfect family unit as required by Quran. You may face challenges but you can find the ways to resolve the marriage issues. However, whatever method you adopt you shall continue facing them throughout your life. No marriage is free from marriage issues.

But all marriages do not end in separation.

Whenever you face marriage issues talk about them to your partner in a sensible tone. There are chances that both of you may be able to find the solution. You may prefer marriage counseling if you still find it hard to resolve the difficulties yourselves. When you are sure that your efforts are not going to resolve the situation you can open tell your partner that it may lead the family to separation.

Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners

by Miss Syed (www.muslimwedding.org)

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

1. Du'a. Unceasingly ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.

2. Consult your heart. Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind, which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost anything. For many people, first impressions are often the most accurate.

3. Enquire. Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Why is he not doing the logical thing, that is, to marry someone from his culture? If there is evidence that the primary reason for this marriage, despite claims to the contrary, is for convenience (greencard, money, property, etc.), forget it. This spells trouble.

4. Get to know your prospective partner, within the limits of what is permissible in Islam, before deciding on marriage. Just ' seeing' someone once or twice in the company of others, who may be anxious for this marriage to take place, is simply not enough under today's conditions, where two per- sons of totally dissimilar backgrounds are meeting each other without the safeguards of families. Without violating Islam's prohibition about being alone, try to understand his nature, what makes him tick, his temperament, what he might be like to live with.

5. Talk to several people who know your prospective partner, not just one, or have someone whom you can trust do this for you. Ask about him from various people, not just from his friends because they may conceal facts.

Sexual Relations Between Husband & Wife

from Islam - The Modern Religion (www.muslimwedding.org)


Newsgroups: soc.religion.islam
Subject: Re: Sexual Relations Between Husband & Wife

XXXX wrote: Hello. As a recently married Muslim, I was hoping someone could refer me to sources which can guide me as to what is permissible in Islam between a man and his wife. I once heard of an Islamic book called "Perfumed Garden"? Is there such a publication? Or could someone suggest other sources. In particular, I needed to know what the five schools of thought advised on oral sex or fellatio. Please email or post responses. Thank you.

Reply

alssalaamu 3alaykum

May Allah bless you and your wife with his blessing and unite you in harmony and happiness.

The book you mentioned, "The Perfumed Garden", was written in Tunisia in the 16th century A.D. by Cheikh 'Omar bin Sidi en-Nefzawi. It is a sort of marriage manual written in a rather provocative and lewd style. Even the author himself acknowledges its lascivious nature by ending it with these words: "I have indeed committed a sin by writing this book. Forgive me O Thou to whom we call not in vain. O Allah, do not confound me for this on the Day of Judgment. And you, O Reader, I beg you to say 'Amen'." The book is an interesting historical and cultural oddity; it is not to be recommended as an educational manual for married couples.

The principles of conjugal love in Islam are few and uncomplicated.

1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.

2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has the right to disgust or injure the other.

3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223)

4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are avoided.

5. There are ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir (commentary) Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding sodomy, says that earlier authorities were divided on the question.

6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires.

7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on."

Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.

The question of the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult because there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For others, tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to be lawful as long as the couple use such contacts as foreplay and conclude their love-making with vaginal intercourse.

I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.

Peace to all who seek God's face.

Marriage Preparation

from Before the Wedding - 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married by M. L. Ezzeldine (www.muslimwedding.org)

In Islam, marriage preparation is multi-dimensional. The first step in the marriage preparation process is that a person does some introspection to see if they are really ready for marriage. This would include determining your values and beliefs and what type of spouse you will make. It is advisable to make istikhara prayers, a prayer for guidance. Istikhara is where one asks Allah to guide them to the best choice possible in any matter including when seeking a spouse. Building a personal relationship with Allah is vital to being a good spouse as it will purify your intentions and help you clearly analyze the reasons for wanting to marry a particular person.

When selecting a spouse, everyone has certain qualities they are looking for. It is reported in a hadith (tradition of Prophet Muhammad) that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "A woman is to be married for four reasons; for her property, status, beauty or religion; so try to marry the one who is religious" (Muslim). Of course, this hadith relates to what women should look for in men as well.

Additionally, any two people seeking to get married should have a wali (guardian) involved in the process who will oversee and guide the couple. The wali are usually the parents of the couple. Muslims who have non-Muslim parents, should still consult their parents and involve them in the "courting process". However, if the non-Muslim parents are unreceptive to Islam, it is suggested that the person ask their Imam (religious leader) to take on the position of guardian.

Respect for parents is paramount in Islam and taking note of their advice when selecting a spouse is essential. Marriage is the union of more than just two individuals; it is bringing together two families, and thus the process should include both families............Additionally, a couple should never be completely alone with one another before marriage because this would be khulwa. Khulwa is when a single man and single woman are alone together where no one can see them, thereby tempting them to commit fornication. A couple should always act with respect and mmodesty toward one another.

Finally, it is suggested that the couple find a mediator who can act as mentor to the young couple and open their eyes to the reality of marriage. A knowledgeable person trusted by both parties is an asset to a couple before the wedding, since he /she could be consulted should any problems arise after they are married.

Identity of Married Women

from The Concept of Family in Islam (www.muslimwedding.org)
by A. D. Ajilola

The matter of preserving a person's true identity seems somehow epitomized in the position of the married woman in Islam. For while she takes on a new marital identity and may be called wife of so and so, she still retains her old lineal one.

In Islam there is nothing stating that a married woman should bear her husband's name, like Mrs Ajilola, she can easily bear Miss Musson, her maiden name.

Also thre is nothing suggesting that a child should bear his father's name; as Mr Abdul-Kareem Ajilola; he can equally bear Mr Abdul-Kareem Musson or any of his maternal relative name.

A marriage is a contract, it is not a means of diffusion of identity of the parties, as it is practised in European countries.

In pre-Islamic Arabia and among the Semites in general, matrilineality was more or less observed either exclusively or together with patrilineality. This practice even continued into Islam in some instances. For example, al Hasan ibn Ali was often called the Prophet's daughter's son, a title of honour in this case.

However a closer examination of Arabic literature suggests to some scholars that when a pre-Islamic Arabian was named after his mother or called the son of the mother of so and so e.g. ibn Hind or ibn Ummzayd, ie, the son of his mother Hind or the son of Zayd's mother respectively, it was due to one or more of the following reasons:

a) It was an expression of honour for and appreciation of the mother.

b) It was a status symbol for some Arabs to take pride in the true or alleged noble stock of their mothers.

c) Sometimes the mother was more renowned than the father, and the children were thus believed ennobled by affixing their mothers' names to their own.

d) Sometimes, also, the mother resided with her own family for orientation after divorce or desertion by the childrens' father, in which case they were identified for all practical purposes by the mother's name.

e) In some cases the father was survived by his own mother or mother-in-law, who then undertook the upbringing of her grandchildren, and they were identified by her name in addition to their own given names.

So the present method of regarding husband and wife as one entity or to force a woman to be bearing her husband's name and identity has no support in Islam; although Islam is not against it. Islam is neutral in this matter.

The Necessity of Marriage

from Youth & Spouse Selection (www.muslimwedding.org)
by Ali Akbar Mazaheri

Allah created man in a manner that he is incomplete and imperfect without a spouse. Man may upgrade his knowledge, faith and excellencies, but he shall never reach the desired perfectness if he does not get a spouse. (Be it man or woman). Nothing can substitute marriage and the raising of a family. Male and female sexes need each other both from spiritual as well as physical points of view. And each of them is incomplete and imperfect when alone and in solitude. And when they get placed beside each other, they complete each other. This is the law of creation and it commands all the universe.

The Quran calls man and woman as the dress of each other.

"They (wives) are as a dress for you (husbands) and you are as a dress for them"
Surah Baqara v187

That is to say, they are the completive, counterpart, and the guard of each other's honour and secrets, and each one needs the other. Man can not live honourably and eminently in society without dress. He feels himself in a state of imperfectness. The lonely person too feels himself imperfect.

Dress saves and protects a person from the effects of winter and summer. The spouse too saves one from worries, futility, shelterlessness, aimlessness and solitude similarly. Dress decorates man, spouses too are the decoration of each other.

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.

From: www.jannah.org


Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.

Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The purpose of Marriage.

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The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory?

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According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.

A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.

The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.

He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.

Selection of a partner:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.

- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.

This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

This is why they often prove successful.

Consent of parties.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.

The husband/wife relationship.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.

The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.

Obedience.

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The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.